as i approach a new decade, i’ve been in meditation about where i am and where i once was, in the land of youthdom. i like to think of youthdom as that exploratory period which commences at adolescence and ends upon the successful completion, or survival, of one’s Saturn return.

i spent much of the dawn of that period identifying my passions, thrilled to relive what i naïvely assumed was a resurgence of post-modern counterculture movements, [think Occupy and Black Lives Matter]. from organizing protests to hosting college events, i sought to be part of something bigger because that’s what, i believed, you were supposed to do in your early twenties.

i was never concerned with labels or branding myself as an activist because the impetus was born out of passion and an assumed protocol, “this is what you’re supposed to do”. in hindsight, i realize that much of what i thought about said period was steeped in a need to romanticize what change would look like though, ironically, i am not keen on the latter.

frankly, i was just deeply concerned about the wellbeing of others and, in the process, i neglected to fashion myself, emotionally, in a way that would serve my future self. my saving grace, however, still is and continues to be romance.

youthdom took me to many faraway places and long stays, namely those in the Francophone world. i pursued the French language in high school upon deciding i wanted a career in fashion, which i, shortly thereafter, traded in for the social justice cause. since i was a child, though, France had long lived in the hallway of my imagination, and the summer of 2013 was the culmination of all my imagining.

after a seven hour flight, and being uncomfortably nestled between two passengers in the middle seat, right before landing, the window shade opened —revealing centuries of architecture— and all i could think was, “I’m in a different world”. i’ll never know if Haussmann had the aerial cityscape in mind when he designed the place known as the “city of love,” but the moniker continues to exist, and for good reason, because i’m constantly rediscovering myself from that place where i could feel romance everywhere.

for me, romance is not even chiefly connected to intimacy, but rather a larger ideal of sorts. maybe i’m too idyllic, but i do seriously believe in the transformative power of romance because it colored so much of my world throughout youthdom.

for the past few years, i’ve been in a place of mourning over my youthdom. notwithstanding it’s as much a state of mind as it is a place in one’s life, but, as an older age begets more wisdom, very little compares to that time and place in life.

i hope this doesn’t sound like a piece on nostalgia, but a way for you to reflect on your own journey; it’s a beautiful practice to chart growth.

anyways, i hope this helps as you continue to evolve, wherever you may be in your journey.

love & madness,